i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm passing your future prison.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
