I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
