She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were trust falling into bushes
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