DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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