so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
