allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
