Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
