It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
