I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
