look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize