Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
