i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
