mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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