he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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