i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
