Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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