i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
