It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
