Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
