There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it because I queefed?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When are your genitals available?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
