I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
