I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
