I need to stop coming to work sober
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
