Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
try to milk me bitch
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