i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
