If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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