it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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