I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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