Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
