Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
