we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
