cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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