He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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