Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
