A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
