Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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