We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
