i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
