But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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