Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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