you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
