A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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