the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
