my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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