My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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