they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
