I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
