i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
