Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
