YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
