Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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