I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
