Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
