i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
