FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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