I love black thongs
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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