I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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