I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
