she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to cum in my sink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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