Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
