So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
