i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
