I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
