First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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