dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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