I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
