Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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