I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
