the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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