someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My hand turned me down
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
