I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
