so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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