I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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